Tuesday, July 28, 2009

We Meet Again

Today, we meet again at the crossroads of my love-hate relationship with McDonalds. As my loyal fans and subscribers know, I have been livid for weeks about McDonalds' implementation of a twenty-five-cent charge on BBQ sauces. My heart was thrown for a loop AGAIN the other day by this whimsical genie of a fast food establishment when it announced Free Mocha Mondays out of the blue!

For a limited time only, like all good things, Free Mocha Mondays takes place every Monday from 7am-7pm and one can get a free (small-sized, of course) iced or hot mocha. Is this charity? Is this coming out of the sheer kindness of the heart of Ronald McDonald, himself? Is Big Business America treating its economically and diabetically suffering citizens with a delightful summer sweet?

NO! This is a transparent-as-transfat ploy to lure the ignorant and unsuspecting fatasses into the golden arched drive thru! After all, it is common knowledge that the average fatass, when reeled in by a freebie, will drop tens (if not hundreds) on items including but not limited to Happy Meals, Big Mac Specials, McFlurries, apple pies and other desserts and merchandise products including but not limited to hats, buttons, stickers and triple-XL t-shirts and sweatsuits.

This Mocha Monday, however, I drove through and grabbed my free iced mocha with nairy a glance at the menu--shining bright like a beacon of hope to hungry hippos everywhere. That's it! Just an iced coffee! Not a single McNugget! I don't know what came over me. Did I do this out of spite for their relentless marketing strategies? Whatever the inspiration... I won. Take that Ronald McDonald!!! ...and see ya tomorrow.

These are the Confessions of a Fat Bitch.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Nothing spells "FATASS" like...

-an In N Out license plate frame.

-signing up for the Sprinkles Cupcakes mailing list.

-being on a first name basis with McDonalds employees.

-getting weekly email coupons from the Honeybaked Ham Company... and using them.

-having a "regular order" at all major fast food restaurants.

-being the author of a blog titled Confessions of a Fat Bitch.

(feel free to comment with your own)